


Well You're Standing on my Sternum, Don't You Climb Down Darling

by iwannasteal_atimelord



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannasteal_atimelord/pseuds/iwannasteal_atimelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What I intend to be a collection of one-shots and drabbles exploring The Doctor and River Song's relationship. Unrated as I have no idea what might happen in any given chapter as of yet. Story title from Towers by Bon Iver.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the gnawing of the night time at the door

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there, reader. Long time, no see. 
> 
> Chapter title from the song I Was Broken by Marcus Foster. 
> 
> Chapter Summary: River Song has nightmares.

She woke with a shout. Tears were already streaming down her face, and she felt her hearts beating erratically as she gasped for breath. Frantically, her hands reached for the sheets, searching the space next to her. When she found the space empty, her panic intensified.

“Doctor?! Doctor!” She was crying, shouting, her voice cracking the louder she yelled. 

Quickly, she climbed out of bed and rushed into the corridor of the TARDIS, calling out for her Doctor. She was hyperventilating, gasping to fill her lungs as she ran. She maneuvered her way through the halls, knowing that her hearts were beating much too fast and her vision was blurring with tears and lack of oxygen. But still, nothing was more important than finding the Doctor _right now_ because if she didn’t, then it wasn’t just a nightmare, and she couldn’t accept that.

River Song had nightmares. Her nightmares were not about spiders in her pillowcase, or monsters under the bed. Her fear was of the monster _in_ the bed. It is the monster in the back of her mind, the psychopath that she wants so badly to be rid of. The voice in the back of her thoughts that still leaks through on occasion, telling her to _kill the Doctor._ _He slaughtered ten-billon, he must be stopped,_ the voice said. _Silence must fall,_ it whispered to her in the night.

River had trained herself, had put in enormous amounts of effort to end the madness that lurked inside her still-wrecked subconscious. And for the most part, it had worked. But still, Berlin was just two years ago, and she was not done stomping down the assassin in her. She was not sure she would ever be done.

She loved the Doctor. She did not want to kill him.

Still, she had nightmares. While she slept, her head was filled with images of murder. She would see herself shooting him instead of a monster when they were out saving a world. She saw herself kissing him with poisoned lips while they were making love. She watched on mercilessly as he was killed over and over, in as many different ways as her assassin’s mind could conjure up.

And every time, she woke with a start, with tears on her face and a cry on her lips. And every time, the Doctor was there to hold her, to break her from the clutches of the dream and assure her that he is still alive, that she is not a weapon.

But this time, he was not there.

This time, she feared, _what if it was real?_

And so she ran. Because she would run, run, run and search every corner of the universe before she would let herself believe that her training had finally gotten the best of her.

After a few moments of dashing and shouting anxiously down the corridors, River felt hands wrapping around her arms, trying to slow her down. Worried voices reached her ears, asking her what was wrong and why she was running like a lunatic. It was Amy and Rory, clearly afraid for their daughter’s health.

“Let go of me! Let go! I have to find the Doctor!” She was not gentle in her attempts to shove them off.

“River! What’s the matter?!” Amy.

“Calm down, just talk to us! We just want to understand what’s going on! Has something happened to the Doctor?” Rory’s words only suck more fear into her hearts, and renewed her need to _find him_. She broke free, and continued her search, her parents hot on her heels.

~*~*~*~

From his place in the console room, the Doctor began to hear the commotion. His head darted up in confusion, barely-there eyebrows furrowing. As soon as he realized that it was River shouting for him, his hearts began beating over-time and he began moving toward her voice as fast as his clumsy legs would carry him.

Before he even made it to the stairs though, River herself came barreling into the room, running right into him and knocking them both onto the console’s glass floor.

“River? River! Are you okay?! What’s happening?!” He was terrified, his hands roaming her body, looking for injuries while his ancient eyes searched her glazed, frantic ones. It took less than a second for her to recognize his voice and his touch, and before he knew it, she was sobbing and ripping his shirt open.

And then he understood. This was not the first time this had happened, but this was the first time he hadn’t been there. He watched on, devastated, as River’s trembling fingers battled with his shirt buttons.

Amy and Rory had come in not long after River had, and stood at the bottom of the stairs, asking for explanations that he could not give them yet. When River finally got his shirt halfway undone, she immediately pressed her ear to the left side of his chest, and a hand on the right. It was her way of coping, something they had formulated together.

 _The first time she woke from a nightmare, she was nearly inconsolable. He was terrified, unsure how to break her from the trance the dream left her in. His eyes filled with tears as he helplessly watched her body wracking with shuddering sobs, while he could do nothing but beg her to hear him, to recognize his voice and just_ come back _to him. When his reassurances remained unheard by her in such a fragile state, he had wrapped his arms around her, holding her in his lap with her head pressed against his chest. He was at a loss, unsure how to help, murmuring apologies into her hair and begging her to wake up. Then, unexpectedly, River had quieted. He stilled, not wanting to do anything that might send her back into hysterics. He heard a quiet gasp, and felt River press herself closer to him before giving a deep, shuddering sigh. That night, she explained her nightmares to him, shame and embarrassment seeping into her voice and making his hearts ache. She told him that hearing his heartbeats had woken her up, and he told her how grateful he was that she had snapped out of it at all. They devised this coping mechanism that night, and since then, if River found herself waking from a nightmare, all she had to do was reach for the Doctor and listen to his hearts beating._

Now, he cradled her to him, fingers running through her hair as he shushed her and tried to help her relax. It was almost a full minute before he felt her sigh of relief. He kissed the top of her head, causing her to finally look up at him with teary eyes. He felt his hearts sink with guilt and worry, wishing that he had been there when she first woke up.

“I’m sorry, Doctor. I – I th-thought I… I woke up and you weren’t there. I can’t – I couldn’t – I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, my love.” Her voice was thick with emotion, cracking and stuttering, too emotionally wrecked to finish a thought properly. But of course, he understood, and all he could do was shush her, wipe her tears and tell her that it was okay; that he was alive and everything would be okay.

“Doctor, what’s going on? What’s wrong with River?” Amy and Rory finally spoke up, after being silenced by the chaos that just unraveled in front of them.

River’s head snapped around at the sound of them, as if she had just realized they were there, and what they had witnessed. Her eyes grew wide, and her breathing was growing shallow again. She turned around, burying her head back in the Doctor’s chest. The Doctor felt her fingertips at his temple, and then he felt her thoughts nudging against his mind and begging him to _please, make them go away._ She couldn’t face them like this. They were never even meant to see this.

“Amy, Rory. Can you give us a moment, please?” He quietly addressed them, knowing how offended they were when he saw the incredulous looks on their faces. “Please, I’ll explain later, just let me help her first.” At that, they walked back up the steps and turned into the corridor.

“Hey. They’re gone, it’s okay, sweetheart. Talk to me.” And so she did.

She told him about her dream, explained how afraid she was. And she apologized, over and over again. And he apologized, over and over again. He should have been there, should have been there for her before it ever got this far.

After a few minutes of talking, once River had calmed a bit, he knew he had to address the Ponds. He looked down at her face, so lovely despite her puffy red eyes and the tear tracks on her cheeks. _So young_ , he thought. “Do you want to help me work on the TARDIS for awhile?” He knew that she would not want to go back to sleep after this. She sniffled and nodded, a tiny smile gracing her lips.

He leaned down and gave her a tender kiss, before getting up the go settle things with her parents, and telling her that he would be right back. He could see the fear of being away from him so soon back in her eyes, and promised that he would be as quick as possible.

~*~*~*~

Afterward they sat together under the console, as he explained to her about the wires, and taught her how to fiddle around with them. It was quiet, but comfortable. She corrected him more than once. He huffed when she did, but his eyes regarded her with a fondness that conveyed how much he secretly loved it. His bespoke psychopath. A gift from his TARDIS, from his best friends. He cherished that cheeky smirk she graced him with every time the TARDIS helped her correct his methods. _Not that he thought of it as correction, of course. More like suggestion._   

It was while he was looking at her with those loving eyes that he connected two wires without looking, sparks flew, and River laughed as what little of the eyebrows he had were completely singed off. 


	2. there's no doubt, you're in deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If someone asked her what makes her happiest, what brings her the most comfort and offers her the most peace, the answer would be easy. It’s the Doctor. Chapter title from Addicted to Love by Florence + the Machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. :) This chapter is really just a drabble. I've been having obnoxiously vivid dreams lately, and one of them turned into this. (Although, I left out the circus and the fez. Maybe another chapter.) But still, cuddling and fluff is always fun.
> 
> I should also probably mention that none of the chapters are likely to be related, unless mentioned otherwise. Anyway, enjoy!

“ _What_ are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing, sweetie?”

“It looks like you’ve broken into my TARDIS and are now hanging upside down from the railing, dear.”

She sniffs and rights herself, standing up. “It’s not breaking in if it’s my home, too.”

He grins at this. (He never gets tired of having a wife to share the TARDIS with, someone to share a home with who isn’t a companion.)

River walks over to the console and absently fiddles with the controls, perfectly content to just be where she is. She loves the running – they love the running – but it is always nice to unwind. The Doctor steps up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, chin rested on her shoulder. River curls into his embrace, turning her head and inhaling deeply.

If someone asked her what makes her happiest, what brings her the most comfort and offers her the most peace, the answer would be easy. It’s the Doctor. There is nothing that could make her happier than the Doctor looking at her the way he is now. Nothing brings her more comfort than being close enough to smell his skin. And what could possibly be more peaceful than being wrapped in his arms, where she knows that she is safe and loved. River is almost always on high alert, wary of enemies or preparing to head straight into danger. But when they are like this, when they are holding onto each other and alone in their TARDIS, it melts away. There is nothing to worry about when all that matters is right here with her.

“Doctor Song, did you just purr?” The Doctor teases with a chuckle.

She wrinkles her nose and turns in his arms, wrapping her own around his waist and pulling him close. “Shut up, I missed my husband.”

He brushes a stray curl behind her ear, and offers her a sad smile. “How long has it been for you, love?”

She pauses, and the Doctor swears he sees a blush on her cheeks before she mumbles something into his shoulder. He fights to hide the amusement in his face and asks, “What was that, dear?” She sighs, lifting her eyes to his, before quietly admitting, “Four days.”

His grin was so smug she could have slapped him. Or kissed it off his stupid face. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He was fighting a giggle now. 

“You were thinking it!” She slapped his shoulder lightly, a smile tugging at her own lips now.

“I haven’t a clue what you mean, dear.” He kisses her temple. She rolls her eyes.

“I’m sure you don’t.” He kisses her forehead. Her eyelids. Her nose and cheeks. The corner of her mouth, before finally capturing her lips.

The kiss is not as gentle as expected by either of them. It is a deep, longing kiss. He sucks her bottom lip between his own, and nibbles on it, eliciting a moan from River. She gives as good as she gets, running the tip of her tongue over his lips so that he parts them, and their tongues can meet. This time it is the Doctor who moans, enjoying the taste of his wife, the intimacy of this moment.

When they part they are both panting, the Doctor’s fingers are tangled in River’s hair and when his eyes open he can’t resist pulling her swollen lips back to his for another kiss.

Finally, his lips release hers again, and they are both smiling stupidly.

“I missed you too, wife.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	3. reassure me that you'll wait for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a request a couple of weeks ago for River & The Doctor slow dancing. I posted this on tumblr, so it might be familiar. I wanted to edit it a bit more, but it was sort of just a quick write I suppose. Anyway, I hope you still enjoy it. 
> 
> Chapter title from I'll Hold My Breath by Ellie Goulding.

Sometimes, the Doctor thought, he could really be quite suave.

It had started out as a simple date, one of their usual late-night excursions. He had been planning their destination. While torn between the 639th Birthday Bash of the Queen of Rumnatistishka and investigating strange sightings on a human colony in the 46th century, he suddenly remembered an invitation he’d received.

An old friend (well… he says  _friend_.) was hosting a Winter Ball on the Winter Wonderland planet, in the 34th century (before Disney bought it, but that’s a different and much more complicated matter).

He might be a bit gangly and chinny and… well, overall just a bit silly sometimes. But sometimes - sometimes the Doctor was more romantic than Cassanova, if he did say so himself. And he did.

He wore his favourite suit, bought River’s favourite flowers, and caught her by surprise when he showed up at Luna University as she was wrapping up with her last few students of the day.

Now, as they entered the ballroom, arm-in-arm, he could only hope that this date was as impressive as he imagined it to be. This was an older River, a River near the end of her time line, and he knew she cherished all the time they spent together at this stage. If he could give her a night worth thinking about when she encountered his younger, less friendly selves - then perhaps he could soften at least a fraction of the pain he felt for River.

It’s funny. At least to him. He was always a selfish man. He always expected, in the beginning, that it would hurt him too much to love and lose River Song. He wasn’t wrong. But what he never expected was the pain he felt for River as he watched her lose him as well. When he encountered older Rivers and saw how tightly she gripped his hand when they ran, or how brightly her eyes shone when she looked at him, he realised just how strong she really is. River got sad, of course. But one of the things he loved best about her was her willingness to put that aside and enjoy the time that she had. Even If it was brief.

So, when the band started playing, he held his hand out to his River Song, and asked her to dance.

They stepped out onto the floor together, joining the twirling and laughing couples already enjoying the music. The Doctor wrapped one arm around River’s waist, and held her to him closely. His other large hand took hold of her small one, and they began to sway as River leaned her head against his chest. A content sigh escaped her, and it was moments like these.

Moments like these when time seemed to stand still, and everything in the universe was just right if only for a little while. The Doctor was a logical man. He was sciencey and spacey-wacey. He liked to think he was realistic. But he was also an emotional old fool. Always had been. Even the sciencey part of him could never quiet explain just how love worked. But he knew that it did. He saw in in Amy and Rory, in Craig and Sophie and Stormy. He even saw it in himself, when he stopped trying to hide behind reason and logic because emotion was too much to bear. And in moments like this, he didn’t want anything more than to feel everything.

He wanted to feel all the happiness and sadness, all the love and the grief. He wanted to feel it all while he was safe. And he was - he was always safe in River’s arms. And he liked to think - or at least hope - that she was safe in his. He couldn’t think of any place safer for either of them than right where they were, right in this exact moment.

As he held his wife and they swayed gently around the dance floor, the Doctor nudged the side of her head with his nose, inhaling deeply.

"River, do you trust me?"

"Always, sweetie. You know that. Why?"

"I just needed to be sure. Your father, brilliant man he is - Rory the Roman - said something to me once when your mother was taken. And I just… well… I just thought it was worth passing on."

"Sweetie?" She sounded worried now, and he reached down to caress her face in his hand, offering her a soft smile.

"River, I need you to keep trusting me. Even… even when I don’t deserve it. Just… know that I am always coming for you. Always. No matter what. Don’t forget that, okay?"

An the smile she gave him was brilliant, even as her eyes welled with tears.


	4. i've been setting myself up for the fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For her part, River was too shocked to move. It was only when his fingertips began to play at the hem of her skirt that she understood his implications.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, this was a rough one. I struggled a bit trying to get this right, so I hope that I managed to do that. Let me know your thoughts (if you feel so inclined, that is).
> 
> Chapter title from Lover to Lover by Florence + The Machine.

“River Song?” Professor Cobb’s assistant called her name, signaling that she had just a few moments before the professor would see her.

The Doctor sat next to her, excited grin plastered on his face as he squeezed her hand. “Are you ready?” he was practically bouncing in his seat. River, however, did not share his enthusiasm.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” she commented sarcastically before frowning and adding quietly, “What if I make a fool of myself? What if I’m not as good as you think I am?” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, casting anxious glances between the professor’s door and the Doctor’s face. She was the last person left to be interviewed for a position on Professor Cobb’s team of student archaeologists for his next dig.

“Hey. You, Miss Song, are purely brilliant and that professor is going to offer you the internship before you even leave his office.” She made to respond, to voice more worries, but the assistant returned then, telling River that the professor was ready to interview her. 

“You can do this, alright?” The Doctor told her as they stood from their seats, “Let me hear you say it.” He flashed his goofy grin at her. She rolled her eyes, but complied with a smile, “Yes, alright. I can do it.”

“Hah! That’s my girl!” The Doctor beamed at her, kissing her forehead as pride radiated from his every pore. “Now, go win that internship, and then we’ll go celebrate with your parents and custard.” he leaned in close, ghosting a knuckle down the front of her blouse and whispered lowly in her ear, “And maybe have a little celebration of our own afterward…” River laughed before playfully shoving him away and heading into the interview. The Doctor’s faith in her gave her the confidence boost she needed, and she walked through the door with her chin held high.

* * *

She walked in to see the professor sitting in a comfortable looking armchair, surprisingly not behind a desk as she had expected. The lighting in the office was warm and inviting, the furnishings a stylish combination of modern, clean lines and ancient, rustic artifacts found on past digs. River quietly admired the artifacts adorning different parts of the office, before glancing at the professor and blushing slightly at seeing she’d been caught staring. He offered her a smile and motioned for her to have a seat.

Professor Cobb was well known at the university for his archaeological finds. More than that, he was a favorite amongst archaeology students. The professor exuded charm, his mature age and graying hair doing him more favors than one would expect of a fifty-something year old man. He had all the makings of a classically handsome human man, with a chiseled jaw and remarkably few wrinkles around his face. To his credit, he was known for being a fair but simple grader, and for his rather fantastic sense of humor. It’s no wonder he was so admired amongst the students and the faculty. All the students in River’s year were all clamoring over themselves for the opportunity to intern with him.

River took her seat on the couch adjacent to Professor Cobb’s chair, and the interview began as any other. They discussed her credentials, what made her interested in this particular dig, and what sets her apart from the other applicants.

By the end, River felt confident she had managed to impress the professor enough to be on the team. She studied the professor’s responses to her answers, watched his face for any signs of disapproval. She noted with satisfaction that he seemed to like her and what she had to offer. She preened inside, a silent pride filling her at her accomplishment. It was still new to her, being able to work for something she wanted and have it pay off. She excelled in university, enjoying the challenge of putting her mind to work and gaining new insights all the time. Before all this, her life had been a mission. She was born to kill the Doctor, and that was her purpose. Now, she had the opportunity to fulfill her own purposes, to earn her own recognition as the person she chose to be. It was freeing.

“Well, Miss Song, I must say. You are certainly well qualified for the position. You’re smart, resourceful, and I bet it would be a delight having a beautiful woman like yourself around on a dig.” He shot her a wink.

She tried to laugh at his joking, though it really just made her uncomfortable. “Thank you, professor. That’s very generous of you.” Her smile wavered slightly, but she recovered.

He leaned forward in his seat, the light catching his eyes for a moment in a slightly unsettling way. He dropped a hand to her knee before looking her intently in the eyes, “I’m serious, River. I think you’d be perfect for the job.” River glanced down at his hand uneasily, anxiety churning in her stomach. “But I just need to know one thing. It’s obvious that you’re capable, but are you passionate, Miss Song? How far are you willing to go to achieve your goals?”

For her part, River was too shocked to move. It was only when his fingertips began to play at the hem of her skirt that she understood his implications. She sprung to her feet, effectively displacing his hands from her thighs. “What? Are you joking? Because it’s not very funny, I thought I was interviewing to be your intern, not your whore!” 

He sneered at her words, standing to grab her around the waist and tug her close to him. “Oh, relax, Miss Song. It’s the 51st century! No need to act so offended.” She struggled in his grasp, attempting to wriggle free. “All I’m saying is that maybe I’d be more inclined to believe that you are dedicated to your field if you spent a few minutes on your knees with my – “ He was interrupted by the knee she landed to his crotch before she shoved him off and stormed out of the room.

* * *

 

The Doctor whipped around at the sound of the door flying open, arms wide open and expectant smile lighting his features. The smile dimmed, however, when he saw River’s face as she nearly ran for the exit.

The Doctor followed after her immediately, confused and worried about what could possibly have his almost-sort-of-wife so upset. Even if she didn’t get the position, he wouldn’t have expected such a violent reaction from River. River never let people see when they disappointed her if she could help it. Then again, this river was a young version… maybe she hasn’t developed that habit yet? 

Still, he called out after her as he followed. “River? River!” He rushed after her retreating form, moving as quickly as his clumsy legs would carry him to catch up with her. As he got closer, her saw her hand fly up to cover her mouth as she let out a shuddering sob before shoving open the exit door and stumbling outside. 

The Doctor finally caught up with her, just as she reached the TARDIS. “River, talk to me!” He raised his voice louder than intended, obviously shocking her with his tone. She turned to him with wide, tear-filled eyes and his stomach dropped in guilt. He lowered his voice almost to a whisper and tried again. “Sorry. I’m sorry, River. I just – what happened? You’re worrying me. I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

River turned her face away from his, numbing herself, wiping her cheeks furiously and trying to stop any more of the hot, angry tears from falling. River hated vulnerability. She trusted the Doctor, and often with him, she was willing to open up. But other times… other times the lessons she learned as a lonely child left to fend mostly for herself kicked in, and her instinct was to shut down. Being vulnerable made her feel weak, an easy target. It was unsettling, and something River wasn’t sure how to cope with other than to put on a brave face. The Doctor’s hands reached down to cup her face, gently wiping her damp cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “Tell me, River. Please.”

She sniffed, forcing a smile on her face. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. I just want to get out of here.” She tried to turn away from him, but he stopped her with a gentle hand on her wrist. “Don’t lie to me, River. Tell me what happened in there.”

Her façade crumbled, her falsified smile replaced with a trembling chin and eyes filled with shame and embarrassment. The Doctor let out a small gasp, stunned by the pain he saw reflected there in her features. He knew that she was upset, but he hadn’t realized it was this bad. River began to explain, her voice shaky, “He – he propositioned me.” The Doctor’s face betrayed his confusion at her words, and she sighed angrily before elaborating. “He wanted me to sleep with him, Doctor. He expected me to exchange sexual favors for the internship.”

Oh.

_Oh._

River’s steely demeanor returned, her candidness having left her feeling as though she had said too much. She turned and finally entered the TARDIS, leaving the Doctor gaping behind her. It wasn’t long before the shock wore off, and he followed her inside. The lights of the console room were dimmed, the TARDIS attempting to comfort her child in whatever ways she could. He found her in her room, sitting dejectedly on her bed and staring blankly at the wall.

“River…” he walked up to her carefully, afraid to startle her. He approached her and crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his and attempting to get her to look at him. It was no use. She wasn’t ready to talk. She was lost to her thoughts, and all the Doctor could do was wait and look after her. He felt his blood boil, anger flooding through his veins at the thought of what this _excuse_ of a person had done to River. He squeezed her hands more tightly, as the wrath washed over him. But wanting to remain composed for River, he turned his face away, set his jaw, and went to work trying to give her whatever reassurances he could. He knew that River needed him now, and correcting the situation could wait.

River was fragile at this point in her life. Oh, she was strong and brilliant as ever, but emotionally, she was still developing. She hadn’t yet recovered entirely from the damage of her childhood training. She still doubted herself, still wasn’t sure of her purpose in the universe. The Doctor loathed to think what this experience would do to her already damaged psyche.

He rose to his feet and pulled River up by her hands. She might not be ready to talk, but he could still take care of her, offer her comfort.

He led her into the bathroom and started the shower running. Carefully, he began to disrobe her, being mindful not to let his touch linger anywhere for too long, making sure she understood his intent was not a sexual one. He removed her restrictive business attire, paying attention to her face in case she showed any signs of protest or discomfort. She did not. There was no sign of life glinting behind her eyes, nothing but defeat and doubt clouding her green irises. Once she was stripped completely, the Doctor removed his own clothes, and stepped under the water. He reached a hand out to her, offering her the choice of joining him or not. She eyed his hand uncertainly for a moment, before slowly taking it and stepping into the shower with him.

River was a bit shocked by the intimacy of it all. Of course, she and the Doctor had been _intimate_ plenty of times, but this was something else entirely. This was her lover standing bare with her in the shower just to hold her. Just to comfort her, and allow her to let her guard down. They were skin-to-skin, nothing between them, nothing to hide them from each other. This was the Doctor symbolically baring himself to her, and in doing so, allowing her to feel safe enough to do the same. This was her Doctor attempting to put them on the same level, to exchange his weaknesses for her own. She never expected that two people could be so connected in this way. She may have seen glimpses of it in Amy and Rory, in films, but she never thought she would experience it herself.

The Doctor wrapped an arm around River’s waist, hand rested on her back and holding her close. River’s arms wrapped around the Doctor’s back, her face buried in his shoulder as he ran his fingers though her hair with his other hand. She felt the emotions she had been trying to repress rise to the surface and before she knew it, she was sobbing uncontrollably into his skin.

The Doctor held her tighter and rocked her, cooing sweet words of comfort and encouragement into her ear. “Shh… It’s all right. I’ve got you. I’ve got you, you’re okay.”

Several minutes later, when River began to settle and her sobs began to quiet, the Doctor dropped a soft kiss to her temple and reached for the body wash. Together, they washed each other clean. When they finally managed to get the last bit of conditioner out of River’s hair, they turned the water off and the Doctor hopped out of the shower to wrap a towel around his hips. He lifted a second towel, and River stepped out so that he could wrap her up in the warmth of it. He dropped a kiss to her nose, causing her to wrinkle it up in the most adorable way, and he grinned at her.

“Thank you,” she whispered, offering him a soft smile.

He held her face in his hands again, and this time her eyes met his. He could still see the echoes of pain in her verdant eyes.

It was unnerving to see River like this, so defeated by this experience. But he understood. Her whole life, River had been somebody’s pawn. Kovarian and the Silence took her just to use her as a weapon. She was taken out of her time, abused and conditioned to be used and disposed of. Now, when she’s trying to make a life for herself, trying to grow into the woman that she wants and chooses to be, here is another person trying to take advantage of her. Another person who doesn’t see her for who she is, but as a means to an end. Another person telling her that her value is only in her ability to carry out an act.

The Doctor still appeared calm so as not to upset her more, but inside he was raging. How was River ever supposed to feel like she was worth anything when people kept trying to manipulate her? After everything she had been through, the Doctor wanted her to be appreciated for who she was, for her brilliance and her bravery. She deserved to know that she was so, so much more than a pawn in anybody’s game.

After they dressed, the Doctor and River crawled into bed together. She finally opened up, telling the Doctor everything and allowing him to dispel any doubt from her mind that she was anything but wonderful and adored. He told her how clever she is, how brave and wild and talented she is. He told her how much she was treasured, not just by him but also by Amy and Rory, by her friends and by all the people she’s helped in the universe. Eventually, she fell asleep curled against him, and the Doctor felt satisfied at the sparks of life he saw returning to her. It wasn’t quite the wild fire he was used to yet, but it was so much better than the emptiness he witnessed before.  

* * *

That night, Professor Cobb received a visit from the Doctor.

The next day, the archaeology department at Luna University received an unexpected letter of resignation from Professor Cobb.

If River suspected the Doctor’s involvement in the situation, she never said a word. She did, however, have a very enthusiastic snog waiting for him when she heard the news.


	5. just look at what we got ourselves into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We are not lost, River Song! We're just... misplaced."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for HopHigh
> 
> I meant to post this last weekend, but ended up without wifi. (I meant to post this ages ago, but ended up suffering from a severe case of procrastination.) Anyway, this is for HopHigh, I hope you like it, dear. 
> 
> Chapter title from I Do by Colbie Caillat.

“Doctor, we are lost. Can’t we just call for help already?”

 

They trudged through the snow, side-by-side, arms curled around their middles as the wind howled around them. River was tired, and cold, and quite frankly fed up with waiting for the Doctor to come to his senses.

 

“We are not lost, River Song! We’re just… misplaced.” She leveled him with a glare colder than the snow falling around them. “Okay, maybe we are a _tiny_ bit lost. But it’s not so bad, I’m sure we will be back on track before you know it. I am an excellent judge of location, River, and I know exactly what to do to get us back to the lodge.”

 

She sighed fondly, but tiredly. “Doctor. Sweetie. I am freezing. Call. For. Help.”

 

“But –,”

 

“No buts! Call! NOW.”

 

He grumbled, but complied; pulling out the special communications device they were given by the lodge in case of emergency. They were hiking in the mountains of Almarksa, a planet known for it’s beautiful (though sometimes dangerous) plants that blossomed only in the dead of winter. Tourists visited often to hike and camp in the snowy forests, where they could admire the crystalline ice flowers that grew as tall as a Sontaran, and the natural hot springs that were famous for their healing properties.

 

River and the Doctor kept walking slowly through the woods, the snow starting to fall again slowly as the Doctor talked to the people on the other side of the line. He hung up, and ducked his head when River looked at him expectantly.

 

“Well?” She asked him, eyebrow raised.

 

“Uh... they’re on their way. But um… it might be a few minutes… or hours…”

 

If looks could kill. River turned to face him fully, continuing to walk backwards as she began questioning the Doctor. “What do you mean a few _hours?!_ ”

 

He looked up at her sheepishly. “Uh… it would seem that there’s a blizzard on the way. It’s going to be difficult for them to get to us because of low visibility.”

 

The Doctor watched as River’s face fell, her anger morphing into despair. She opened her mouth to confront him, and he prepared himself for the possibility of a fresh slap, when River tripped. Her foot caught on a branch, causing her to fall backwards, and the Doctor watched on in horror as she tumbled downhill from where they were walking. He snapped out of his shock quickly, scattering after her in an attempt to catch up. He called after her, not knowing what to do or how to help before she finally slid to a stop at the base of the hill, where the land flattened out again.

 

The Doctor caught up with her, rushing to her side to check for injuries. As he got closer her heard soft groaning, and he noticed the scratches and bruises marring River’s otherwise perfect skin.

 

“River? River, can you hear me?!” His voice was frantic as his panicked, overprotective husband mode kicking in.

 

When she slapped him (like mother like daughter), he was able to conclude that she was mentally still fine. 

 

* * *

 

 

The Doctor managed to spot a small natural cave, and figured it was as good as any place to hide out until help could arrive. He made his way back to River to tell her about it, and noticed the pained look on her lovely face.

 

“River? Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine, sweetie. Help me up.” He complied, but he quickly noticed her grimace when she tried to move forward with him. He paused, concern lighting his features as River took deep, gasping breaths.

 

“River, what’s the matter? Where are you hurt?” She looked about to protest, but he gave her the _serious Doctor_ look and she just sighed. “I think I might have sprained my ankle when I tripped. It hurts, but I’m freezing and we need to get some cover before the blizzard sets in.” She tried to move forward, but the Doctor stopped her, scooping her up bridal style and ignoring her protests over it.

 

He settled her down inside the cave he’d discovered, and turned to leave again. “I’m going to see if I can find some wood, maybe we can build a fire. If we’re lucky I’ll find a hot spring and can bring some water to help with your ankle, but I doubt it this far out.”

 

River did not look very pleased at the thought of him going out alone, and he moved back over to her, caressing her face in his hands. “I’ll stay close, okay? And I’ll be right back. Don’t worry.” He offered her a smile, and she grinned back, hesitantly. “Just be careful, alright?” She brought her hand up to meet one of his, “It’s getting worse out there.” He bent forward and kissed her slowly, deeply. She sighed into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed and body relaxing under her husband’s soft touch.

 

He pulled back and pressed his forehead to hers with a smile. “Careful? Tried that once. Ever so dull.” He winked and left the cave.

 

* * *

 

 

The Doctor stayed true to his word, returning after fifteen minutes with unfortunately slim pickings. He had managed to dig up a bit of wood, but it wouldn’t last them very long and the winds were picking up. After dropping the wood in the cave with River, he stepped outside searching for any sort of coverage for the cave entrance, hoping that could offer them some semblance of warmth while they waited this out.

 

Before long, he spotted a couple of giant, ice leaves from some of the ice plants that had fallen off, and he dragged them over to cover the entrance as best he could. It wasn’t much, but it would offer at least a little bit of protection, and they would certainly need it. Especially for River, who, though part Time Lady, didn’t have the same tolerance of extreme weather that he did.

 

He slid back over to River, deciding to check out the damage from her fall before anything started to set. He could tell she was getting colder, her ears were turning a bright red and her teeth were chattering a bit. He cast her a worried glance and she tried to smile reassuringly, but it came out more like a grimace.

 

“River, I need to check your ankle, dear. But that means I’m going to have to take off your boots and socks for a minute.” She frowned, but nodded, wishing they had time to start the fire first, but knowing that they had best check this out now, before the weather got any worse.

 

He gently removed first her boot, then the three pairs of socks she wore and rolled up her trouser leg.  His touch was feather-light, trying to avoid causing any more pain than she was already dealing with. Still, the cold air on her bare skin made her shiver violently, and he whispered a rough, “I’m sorry,” before continuing a bit more quickly.

 

After a bit of inspection with River’s scanner, he concluded that it was, indeed, as sprain. The sprain was pretty severe, but thankfully didn’t seem to be a fracture or a full on break. “Have you got that little first aid kit you carry around with you, by any chance?” Her face lit up as she remembered that she did have it with her. Her father is a nurse, and her husband is a clumsy magnet for trouble, so she rarely went anywhere without it.

 

She pulled it out, and the Doctor was able to wrap her swollen ankle for some temporary support, and he gave her a couple of small pills to help with the pain. He quickly, but carefully pulled her socks back on for her, and very gently tugged her boot back over her foot. It was a bit snug with the swelling, but the weather outside didn’t leave her any alternative.

 

“Thank you, sweetie.” She kissed his cheek, causing him to pink up in a blush.

 

“Yes, of course, you’re welcome.” He squeaked out, and she giggled. That man. He had no idea how wonderful he was.

 

They started the fire together, basking in the warmth as the blizzard began to rage outside their little cave.  It didn’t last very long, as was expected, but it was still a relief for the short time they had it. About an hour and a half had passed, the fire having gone out about an hour into their wait, and they were huddled together, seeking warmth.

 

The Doctor was cold, but River… River was much worse, and the Doctor noticed. He noticed when her shivers came more violently. He noticed when she began rocking back and forth, trying to find a bit of heat from movement. He noticed when her lips turned blue.

 

He was worried. More than worried, really, but he didn’t know what to do except pull her even closer and try to keep her warm enough. He felt her snuggle closer, turning her face into his chest and fisting her small hand tightly in his shirt. When she lets out a small whimper, he drops a kiss to her curls and rubs his hands up and down, trying to generate some extra warmth with the friction.

 

“River, I’m so sorry. I should have listened when you said we were lost, should have called for help sooner.” He whispered guiltily, feeling his hearts sink into his stomach when he remembered just how long they had to go before the storm cleared up enough for them to get help.

 

“S-sweetie. Don’t. It’s n-not your fault there was a blizzard.” She sniffled and hugged him close, feeling a surge of affection for her sweet space idiot. “Besides, I know it was just an excuse to feel me up.” He wondered how she managed her signature smirk even in this condition.

 

“I’ve been found out.”

 

“You never were very good with stealth, my love.”

 

“Oi! Hush, you.” He grumbled playfully.

 

“Hmm, make me.” A flirty wink.

 

“Maybe I will.”

 

Before she can shoot back with something sinful, he leans in to kiss her hard, as though his lips alone can return the heat to her body. She moans and relaxes into the kiss, and he thinks that maybe they can. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed. Comments are always welcome. :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I have no ownership of anything related to Doctor Who, except an ill-fitting shirt with the TARDIS on it, and a couple of lovely tote bags. But the characters and the concept of the show and all that... not mine. Which is probably a good thing. Also I'm not making any profit from this, sometimes I just get weird at 3:00 AM and do unexpected stuff, like apparently write fanfiction.


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